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Toronto Social Phobia and Shyness Support Group

Notes and Articles

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April 2010 - this web site has been replaced 

We now have our own domain name and a new web site: www.torontosocialanxiety.com .  Please use the new site from now.

                                   

          12 CHARACTERISTICS OF ASSERTIVE

                                                         PEOPLE

 

1.       Use feeling-talk. You can express your personal likes and interests sponta­neously rather than stating things in neutral terms, You say "I like this soup" or "I love your blouse" rather than "This soup is good," You can use the phrase "I feel" or "I think" when it is appropriate.

 

2.       Talk about yourself If you do something worthwhile and interesting, you can let your friends know about it, you don't monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.

 

3.       Make greeting-talk. You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound pleased to see them, you say,” Well, Hello! How good to see you again" rather than softly mumbling "H'lo" or nodding silently or looking embarrassed.

 

4.       Accept compliments. You can accept compliments graciously ("Yes, I like this shirt, too") rather than disagreeing with them ("Oh, this old thing?"). You reward rather than punish your complimenter.

 

5.      Use appropriate facial talk. Your facial expressions and voice inflections con­vey the same feelings your words are conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.

 

6.       Disagree mildly. When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping the peace. You can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away, or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head, or changing the topic of conversation.

 

7.       Ask for clarification. If someone gives you garbled directions, instructions, or explanations, you can ask that person to restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, "Your directions were not clear to me. Would you please go over them again?"

 

8.       Ask why. When you are asked to do something that does not seem reason­able or enjoyable, you can ask, "Why do you want me to do that?"

 

9.       Express active disagreement. When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your disagreement by saying things like "I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is. . ." or "I think your opinion leaves out of consideration the following factors. . ."

 

10.    Speak up for your rights. You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say, "I was next in line," or "Excuse me, but you will have to leave as I have another appointment now," or "Please turn down your radio," or "You're half an hour late for our appointment." You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.

 

11.    Be persistent. If you have a legitimate complaint, you can continue to restate it despite resistance from the other party until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no's to cause you to give up.

 

12.    Avoid justifying every opinion. In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why, you can stop the questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, "That's just the way I feel. Those are my values. I don't have to justify every­thing I say. If justifying is so important to you, you might try justifying why you're disagreeing with me so much."

 

 

WHAT IS HARASSMENT AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
 
Part of providing an equitable workplace is developing the understanding that unwelcome behaviour is not constructive.  Harassment comes in many forms.  It is considered to have occurred if a reasonable person ought to have known that such behaviour was inappropriate.

What forms of harassment are there?
Other forms of harassment occur when an employee’s behaviour is motivated by reasons regarding a person’s: 
 
Race
Religion
Colour
National or ethnic origin
Age
Martial status
Family status
Disability
Conviction of an offence for which a pardon has been granted
Sexual orientation
 
What are some examples of harassment?
 
Sexist, racist, homophobic, ethnic or other insulting written or verbal abuse, slurs, threats, or jokes; displaying pornographic, homophobic, sexist, racist or other offensive or derogatory material; vandalizing personal property, interfering with someone’s ability to perform job functions, patronizing or condescending behaviour; abusing a position of authority to undermine someone’s performance or threaten his or her career, or physical assault.
 
If you have witnessed or experienced harassment take appropriate action. In general, do whatever you can to make sure that your workplace is free from any form of harassment. 
 
Here are some steps you can take when you have been harassed
 
If you feel that you have been the victim of alleged harassment, witness to alleged harassment, or a third party complaining on behalf of the victim(s) then you should:
 
Tell them to stop:
Tell the alleged harasser to stop if possible, tell the person that his or her conduct or comment if offensive, unwelcome, and against this policy.
 
Keep a record:
Make a note about the incident.  State what happened, when,Who was present, and how you felt at the time.  It may also be Effective to send a letter or memo to the alleged offender about the incident and your feelings.
 
Tell your manager:
If it is hard to object or the harasser ignores your objections, share your concern with your manager or the harasser’s manager.  Discuss the incident and its effects.  Agree on an action plan and schedule a follow up meeting.
 
                                                                                                                                      By: "Rama"
 

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